Beautiful

If you know me you should know that I use the word "beautiful" probably a little bit to often. I don't know when I picked it up or why I started using it so much, but now it seems like it is my adjective for everyone and everything. One "beautiful" friend pointed this out to me a couple months ago and I have been pondering the thought of "beautiful people" and "beautiful things" since then. 


Lately, Father has been showing me many things about myself that are not so beautiful and rather are nasty, dirty, and so very sinful. Moving to this "beautiful country" has brought about many opportunities to learn about myself. About how I react to high stress situations, how I act to feeling incompetent in life, how I handle the difficulty of learning a language, and basically how I adapt to such a huge life transition. All of these things at some point have brought about some nasty reactions and some sinful parts of my heart that I don't enjoy viewing.


In viewing this hidden sin in my life, there have been days when I have been discouraged and times when I don't understand how in the world Father can continually show me grace. I sometimes think he gets annoyed or frustrated with me when I continue in my sin, (making Father out to be someone He is not is a whole other blog) and I think that he gives me grace because He has to.... you know because he is the Almighty and thats what he does and suppose to do.

Sometimes I get more shameful and embarrassed at the thought of how people will view me if they knew my sin and if their opinion of me would change, then i do when I think about Father viewing my sin. So dumb! How much more does Father know about me than anyone on this earth and how much more does it hurt Him to see His daughter sin against HIm. He sees my sin every day, every single last sinful thought that I have he sees in that moment. The thought of Him being all knowing plus the hope that people wouldn't change their opinion about me is the reason I sometimes feel like Father gets frustrated with me in my sin.

When you think about the good news and what it really means to be made alive,  you have to think about what you came from. When Father chooses to save you, he literally pulls you out of a dead sea. We were lifeless, without any hope at all. Drowning in our sin. We were dust on the earth. No form, no purpose. That glorious day when He pulled you out of death and dust, he formed you into a beautiful thing. He made you righteous in His sight no matter the sin you lived in. Even though we sin against the Almighty daily, He will see us through His sons blood on that day when we stand before Him.

While we are still living on this earth he DELIGHTS in making us look, reflect, think, act, speak, and love like Him. This truth is so sobering for me. He NEVER looks at me with frustrated eyes or annoyance at my repentance. When I come to Him with sorrow over sinning against Him, He will never begrudgingly give me grace. 

Behold my servant, whom I uphold, 

 my chosen, in whom my soul delights; 

I have put my Spirit upon him; 

he will bring forth justice to the nations.

Isaiah 42:1

My son, do not despise the Lords discipline

or be weary of his reproof

for the Lord reproves those he loves

as a father the son in whom he delights.

Proverbs 3:12

I think that Father rolls his eyes at me when I ask for forgiveness yet again for that sin that I keep going back to. I feel so shameful for the sin that I have so much trouble with and seem to never be rid of. BUT Oh, how he delights in our repentance, he delights in our desire to be like HIm, he delights that we hate our sin, he delights in making us beautiful.


A song that I have always loved has come back into my life recently (I go through cycles of listening to my music, so sometimes I neglect some of my favorites because I try to listen to all of my music.... random weird thing about Katy). Of course the title is "Beautiful Things" by a band named Gungor. (Go listen to it now if you've never heard it!!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyPBtExE4W0&feature=related) The chorus is simply this:

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us


You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new
You are making me new


Praise Father that he is making me new and he makes beautiful things out of dust and of us (we were dust) because if He didn't I would still be a dead lifeless, hopeless body drowning in my sin. With his salvation he made us ALIVE and with  his discipline, reproof, and continual grace he makes us BEAUTIFUL!! 


So in conclusion, I have decided that I like the word "beautiful" even more now and will continue to use it. Saying that a person is beautiful holds so much more weight to me now and I love it. I love that it means more than just a superficial descriptive word or just some random thing that I do. It is an adjective that describes what Father is making us out to be. 

Why shouldn't I use this word maybe a little bit to often?!

World Series

So if you are a true American, you have been indulging in and completely consumed by the great American past time that is the World Series! If you are not a true American (David Azam) you probably had to be reminded of this phenomenon and have probably been annoyed with the amount of attention it has been getting this month. Especially since the RANGERS have made it to the World Series.

For me, this series has been a bit different. Not only have I had to resort to watching the gameplay mode on the MLB website, but the games have been starting at 7am. So this past week, I woke up, got ready, grabbed my breakfast, sat down with my word and journal, and read while I occasionally glanced at the screen to see who was batting and what big plays had happened. My language lessons start at 9, so I didn't get to finish the games. After language I would get back on the internet and watch all of the highlights to the games and post game interviews. haha. It was a surprisingly difficult adjustment not getting to watch my RANGERS play in the World Series.

BUT during Game 6 and 7, I skyped with my sister and she (lovingly) set her computer up on a stool in front of the TV.  I missed out on most of Game 6 because of my language lesson, so apparently I missed the most intense innings of the whole series. But Game 7 was Saturday morning for me. I had no responsibilities for that morning, so I was able to watch the vast majority of the game. It was a devastating lose and I definitely had to remind myself that its just baseball and I'm in SE Asia where there isn't even a word in this language that describes baseball!


So even though my team lost (which I'm still trying to get over), I'm thankful I at least was able to watch a few innings of a couple games.

Kassidy's living room.

My computer screen.

Routine

I'm a spontaneous woman at heart, but it has been way to long since I have had a routine of my own. One that I have made for myself, and NOT someone else telling me what to do or just NOT having any responsibilities at all to be able to make a routine.

 My summer was just that. I had no responsibilities, so i was able to pretty much go wherever I wanted, do whatever I wanted, and be with whoever I wanted at any time of day or any day for that matter. I road tripped a few times across Texas, was a lake bum the majority of the time, climbed as much as my heart and body could physically climb, and was able to have lots of great memories with people that I love with no responsibilities to worry about.

While in VA, my life turned into a rigid schedule that someone else had made for me. It was very hard for me to mentally get into that schedule and learn to schedule out time for myself within that set schedule, but it ended up being very good. Father taught me a bit of discipline since the only time for me to spend time with Him was early in the morning.

After VA, I went home to 2 weeks of a mixture of slow pace days and then a million things to do in a day. It was a wonderful 2 weeks preparing to move to Asia and I spent wonderful time with my awesome family. My days were filled with packing, making lists, crossing off the lists, planning, lunches, laughter, and then closer to the end it was good bye after good bye after good bye. It was a draining 2 weeks and somehow getting on the plane was some sort of a relief, not because I left the people I love, but the simple fact that I didn't have to say good bye to anyone else.

Then I landed in SE Asia....
My first week or so here was anything but routine, to say the least. A couple days of orientation/initiation to culture and getting over jet lag days, then a sudden road trip to Thailand for a week, and finally coming back home to start learning language and getting into a daily ROUTINE. Asia didn't really start feeling like home until I got to sit down look at my day and decide when I wanted to do my language lessons, study language, workout, have meals, and practice language. As you can tell learning language is what my schedule is filled with. Learning language is my job right now and it keeps me busy for a very large portion of my day.

Now, I can finally say that Asia is feeling like home. Moving overseas is obviously a new thing for me, so I am learning so much about myself as I go. Especially moving to a non-English speaking country. Your independence is stripped immediately because you are not able to do almost anything on your own. Grocery shopping, cooking in a new and different kitchen with new ingredients, ordering at a restaurant, drive around town, etc. So being able to plan my routine really helped, I didn't realize how much stability a routine brought me.

One other thing that has really helped me to feel at home is having my own motorbike and knowing how to get around to the few spots that I know how to get to. ha. Being able to leave the house on my own is incredibly freeing and is a huge step in gaining independence. Granted I really only know the hot spots around town, like the market, a friends house, the 2 coffee shops, and a few restaurants. haha. I learn about or find a new place everyday, so I'm building my knowledge of the town slowly but surely. Also, I should say that I am NOT a pro at the motorbike, so my skill in that is also being built up everyday. Slowly but surely everything is making me feel at home here in SE Asia.

Oh the Mekong view...

Ginger Bullet #2...

Intimidating helmet... To bad, I'm not an intimidating driver. haha.

Need of Jesus

NEED OF JESUS

I am blind, be thou my light,
ignorant, be thou my wisdom,
self-willed, be thou my mind.

Open my ear to grasp quickly thy Spirit's voice,
and delightfully run after his beckoning hand;
Melt my conscience that no hardness remain,
make it alive to evil's slightest touch;
When Satan approaches may I flee to thy wounds,
and there cease to tremble at all alarms.
Be my good shepherd to lead me into
the green pastures of thy Word,
and cause me to lie down beside the rivers of its comforts.
Fill me with peace, that no disquieting worldly gales
may ruffle the calm surface of my soul.

Thy cross was upraised to be my refuge,
Thy blood streamed forth to wash me clean,
Thy death occurred to give me a surety,
Thy name is my property to save me,
By thee all heaven is poured into my heart,
but it is too narrow to comprehend thy love.

I was a stranger, an outcast, a slave, a revel,
but thy cross has brought me near,
has softened my heart,
has made me thy Father's child,
has made me joint-heir with thyself.

O that I may love thee as thou lovest me,
that I may walk worthy of thee, my Lord,
that I may reflect the image of heaven's first-born.

May I always see thy beauty with the clear eye of faith,
and feel the power of thy Spirit in my heart,
for unless he move mightily in me
no inward fire will be kindled.

Football Time!

Here in our little community we don't have TV so we go on with our lives without really knowing whats happening on the outside. With the exception of news from family and friends and the little bits and pieces we get off the internet.

BUT on the day that college football starts, this little community went crazy! Children came out in cheerleader uniforms and football uniforms. Most adults had on some affiliated shirt, and we found a way to get some football on a big screen, so for the first night of college football we are all enjoying each others company watching TV for the first time in 6 weeks. Oh how I will miss College Game Day and that glorious Jones Stadium!